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Homer the Great

Me fail English? That’s unpossible. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

A Streetcar Named Marge

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

  • I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.
  • Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
  • Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
  • I was saying “Boo-urns.”

Hurricane Neddy

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

Bart the Daredevil

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

  1. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
  2. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
  3. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.

Natural Born Kissers

Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Thank you, steal again. Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!